later this month, while walking towards the waiting shed in manila, i saw a middle aged man jumped over the barricade in Manila City Hall, under the Street Light. Accidentally, his foot touched the barri and he fell off the ground. i heard a *DUG* sound. he was like a plant sudden died due to direct sun heat. the man wasn't moving anymore, his companion keep on asking and shaking him, making sure if he is ok but to no response. a man carried him aside and laid him on the floor. he was still unconscious. the lady raised his hand but it just dropped. i think, he is dead.

a lot of times, i have wished being in that situation -- dead.
i already came to a point in just a blink of an eye, im done. im over. suicidal, accidents, sickness and even dying.

i can still remember, how my blood scattered on the monoblock table, on the floor, and the dripping bloody wet jacket over my head. yes, my blood. i got hit in the head of a monoblock chair by a fucking guy. as the blood flows down of my body, i was getting sleepy, but i hear voices, i hear chaos at that moment. i hear someone was telling me to keep awake. i saw my fingers turning violet simultaneously. i prayed that moment, "Lord, if this is my time, take me. But if not, this is your will". still, im alive.�


i wish, i just died that moment like the man who fell of the ground, than see myself bathing in my own blood. i look so pathetic that nobody from my friends and my *that time boyfriend was helping me out. nobody but a stranger who in fact can just stare at me and pass away.

i'd rather die than dying. i hate sufferings. why would you let someone suffer when you can even stop the pain and let go. . people go, people die. people come and go. its just a matter of time.

like love, i would let go of someone who hurts me constantly, than stay and pretend i am happy. think that everything is ok, pretend to people we are ok but we are broken.

like desparete cases of illness, i will accept the fact it is my time to go, than feed myself of medicines. apparatus to help me moving, or an oxygen to breathe but the pain doesn't go. it just leave for awhile to give me comfort, but it always come back whenever it likes to.�

like homeless people. . they sleep to satisfy their need. they look fine, but their body is laying in a freezing cold but they don't care. what is essential for them is to get rest, and no options but to sleep.�

just like me, i am alive, but i am empty.. -- WOOOT? emo? haha phew!~
sometimes, what we wish for never happens, no matter how hard we pray. no matter how close are we to God. it is He who still decides. even to those people who have nothing but prayers and faith, if He thinks it is their time. . it will happen.�
merry christmas everyone.�

I am fond of horror and suspense thriller movies. I remember i had to roll down the  curtains in our living room while the Pioneer component sets in Dolby sound to watch movies. Theres no DVDs that time yet. I used to rent Laser Disc in video stores. Laser Disc are rare, a little pricey and hard to find the latest movies in that format, and what is always comes in handy was the Compact disc. 

Watching horror films grew in me and in our generation. Documented scary movies was then the scariest. It seems real to us, never mind the story because we didn't followed the it well. When we watched the blair witch project back in 1999, me and my friends couldn't sleep at all for almost 1 week. I even stayed in my mom's room to feel safe. hahaha. 

Another movie that scared my ass quite is the Paranormal Activity. 

This film has two sides of ending but what was shown in cinemas is the Spielberg's remake ending. it brought so goosebumps to me. Even though i am mature already, it made hard for me dozing off to sleep for about 3 days because i kept thinking what happened to guy.

If you haven't seen this two documentary scary movies yet, you are already missing 1/4 of your cinematographic life. Not to mention buying DVDs or way better, Blu-rays. These are also your investment of keeping and sorting some of the best films in hollywood.

Normally, girls dump boys. After years of courtship and constant dating, it is vested to know and foreseen scenes of breaking up. Reason would vary from third party to i-just-don't-feel-the-chemistry-anymore excuses. But when obsession speaks and jealousy is present all the time, it is taking through the nerves of men.

Nobody wants to be dumped. Nobody wants to dump a lover either. But when reality speaks, it is really hard to conquer the heartache and bitterness. I guess, we should at least understand why.

He feels suffocated. 

learn how to read his mind. even though you "seem to know everything" about your guy, be sensitive and learn to read his mind. sometimes men need time for themselves alone. let them feel their freedom and you are not exaggerating your tender love and care for him.

He thinks you're too demanding.  

you think because you are his woman you can rule his life for him. Come on ladies, we should not let them rule, and eat you. Give him a little space and make him you care for his happiness too.

He thinks you're too jealous. 

less jealous

He's not really for a relationship yet. 

enjoy it while it last, then move on

He still want to keep his option open. 

he's not yet ready to be that committed

He doesn't feel the chemistry anymore. 

there's no other thing for you to do but to let go.

Recently, i've been into blog reading again. Reading informative blogs to replenish my knowledge and gain more insights about technology, internet, graphics and gadgets. As expected, i just read. But little did i know, i am beginning to thought, like them, what i could share.

I thought about that long time ago, but i have no one who reads my blog that are in "technology firms", or must i say, there is no fun to read my blog. I wanted to share things i know but i'm hesitant to do it here.

A tech blog owner interviewed me a couple of days ago because of my initiative to co-author his blog. He was frank to tell me he was having second thoughts whether to accept me or not because he saw this blog. he wasn't sure of what i can share to his readers. hahaha, i left blanc there. but i told him this is only my personal blog and i write nothing but my emotions and stuff like that. I literally showed off my little tech side, my experiences and not so expertise. Result? i got the job!.

Then I came on a second thought, will i be leaving my blog off key and empty from informations i will be sharing to blogs i will be co-writing in the near future. What i can share to my visitors and unplugg the mysteries of my talent (wahahaha, booo!). Maybe, i could just rewrite it here and give credit. huh? credit? credit myself? hahaha :D

I have a lot of things to write in my blog but i don't know how, when, where to start or should i not.
Will i consider myself?

Ladies, We don't care if you're friends with other guys.
But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off.
It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.
We don't care if a guy calls OR TEXTS you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned.
Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait
till the morning.
Also, when we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/ gorgeous/
cute/ stunning,
we freaking mean it.
Don't tell us we're wrong.
We'll stop trying to convince you.
The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.
Yeah, you can quote me.
Don't be mad when we hold the door open.
Take Advantage of the mood im in.
Let us pay for you!
Don’t "feel bad"
We enjoy doing it.
It's expected.
Smile and say "thank you."
Kiss us when no one's watching.
If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed.
You don't have to get dressed up for us.
If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.
We like you for who you are and not what you are.
honestly, I think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's. or my shirt and boxers, not all dolled up
Don't take everything we say seriously.
Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.
Don't get angry easily.
Stop using magazines/media as your bible.
"Don't talk about how hott Chris Brown, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us".
It's boring, and we don't care. You have friends for that.
Whatever happened to the word "handsome"/"beautiful"?
I’d be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with "Hey handsome!" instead of "Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy" or whatever else you can think of.
on the other hand I’m not saying I wouldn't like it ether
Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren't being treated right by a guy, dont wait for him to change. ditch his sorry ****, he's a disgrace to the male population and find someone who will treat you with utter respect
Someone who will honor your morals.
Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest.
Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes.
Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.
Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes....and say "i love you" ..
and actually mean it.
Give the nice guys a chance
Guys repost this if you agree
Girls repost this if you think it's cute
Every Guy who isn't a jerk will agree with this, so we hope that all the girls that read this will repost this

*Holding Hands
Girls :If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a couple of
times.
Guys : Grab it if it happens more than once.

*Cuddling
Girls : When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you're cold
Guys : Automatically move closer to her.

*Movies
Girls : During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder
Guys : Lift her chin up and kiss her.

*Loving each other
Guys : When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her
too... And mean it.

*Laying below the stars
Girls : When you're both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat
Guys : Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers.
By 12 am tonight your one true love will realize how much they want you.







----------
credit to: `moon

Beyonce's If i were a boy


RIHANNA's Umbrella


J. Holiday's Bed



Keyshia Cole's Love

Brandy's Have you ever

kagaya nga ng nasa site ni Chary,

"i FORGIVE WHO ARE MEAN TO ME,
NOT BECAUSE THEY "DESERVE IT",
BUT ONLY BECAUSE I'M NICE"


fuck those people, i dont need them. i can live without their help and i don't need pretentious people just to get something from me. eh?
fuckers!

a peck on the cheek on Nice's face.
a sweet hug to Ate Donna.
a big "ang taray" to Tina
a big "panalo" to Yesha

what are all these all about anyway?
i was sooo happy for my friends that everyone of us got high grade in the prelim TARIFF REVIEW exam. it was such a relief! hahaha. damn, if you could only see my actions, i was going gaga of such happiness.

i had a 1 hour nap early this morning. Me and Ate Donna been awake til wee hours of the morning just to study for the evaluation exam, we were talking and discussing over the phone of what we are studying. yeah it sucks but it was worth it. of course, i was a bit disappointed because i didn't do well. i didn't failed though, but knowing you helped someone in a little way was such a great feeling.it feels like...Christmas in a way.


i love this day

UPDATE: June 2010. 

for the record, i no longer update this site. though some of my pictures are still posted, if time permits, i will delete this complete to narrow down my responsibilities. 

Christmas season laging ginaganap ang MMFF. Nung 2008, SSS ung pina nood namin ng barkada ko kasi naaaliw kami dun sa nanay ni Juday. Ngayon, kay Ai-Ai naman.

well, kala ko puro katatawanan lang ung mapapanood ko, actually meron naman din na mangilan ngilan pero mas marami pa ata ung drama. yes, pang FAMILY pero aun, family nga din ung takbo ng story, may pagka pulitika pero ayos lang kasi galing ni Eugene magpatawa. thanks to Eugene Domingo, simpleng linya lang nagagawa nyang puno ng saya. hehehe.