REALITY BITES
“Gaano mo kakilala ang iyong sarili?”
How well do you know yourself?
Last week my brother asked me to help him to his assignment about the humanity. The queries totally numbed me for a thought where I, myself been asking to through the years. The question shackled my body to the ground — I couldn’t move. It’s like a big stone that hit me straight unto my head. It’s like a challenge — to escape the twinge that is in me forever, to escape the viscous and torture in my life, to escape the hurt and scars of reality.
"Sumulat ng talata tungkol sa pagkatao mo."
Write about your whole personality
I feel that I do not fit in to people around me; they seem to be perfect. They judge human beings as if they are perfectly fine, as if they have a perfect life where nobody is distrust, dispute and a burden to them. I say I cannot fit in to their standard because I am imperfect, unwise and ugly.
"How do you see yourself?"
This is what I learned to live my life… in false hope and promises. Where everything is a big mistake and lies – from the decisions that I come up to, the things I do, to friends, school, family and even myself. Do their thing and you are nothing. Do nothing and you too is a worthless. Fuck. Reality bites.
Be yourself. Just be yourself. How many people have said this to you? Or have heard this? Do they still accept you for who you are and say nothing? Damn! Seldom have I tried my best -- capable of doing so but still the ruthless judgment is slapping my face. I seem still not befit and belong to them.
When reality is trying to betray my fate, I offered myself a frivolous experience — play the game. Pathetically, A game I can’t win forever. An insignificant gamble of fate and character.
I have tried being in in the world of fantasy – maybe now I can be myself even in a few span of time. It has been... merely seven years now and I cannot imagine how I indulged and embraced the virtual life and turned it to reality. A piteous life where I wished I have never been born at all, no… that’s exaggeration… I mean, I wished I have never given so much attention to. Regret is not the right word to describe the feeling neither agony; perhaps a reflection. A reflection of unwanted perceptions and unfortunate experiences that you may wanted to destroy the memoir that is with you in your entire life. A fast bullet that could kill you in a minute or so. The stab of a knife that saps the wound into your body and slowly will rob your life. Inevitable experiences, unattainable moments, chaos in real life – this is what virtual life has given me…. it made my life more miserable. From the people who made an impact to my life, to friends who ruined me and eventually to the game that I have lost the interest.
"Define your life"
My life is an endless battle, i might win in the end but struggling.
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