A Letter to Depression
(C) Dec. 2008.
miztakumi creations.

Unfinished issues,
melodramatic stories,
hidden meanings beyond words spoken,

inevitable gestures dat
binds no definition at all,

lame excuses or white lies
dat i seize to believe--deaf,
mute and blind to escape d hurt
and cover his/her mean actions,

sumtime, i was able to move on
and leave d past behind.
unfortunately, i am at my old
self again.

its enough--am i inlove?
i'm going to live my life
wishing you love/d me.
i'm moving on without
my feet shackled from where
mourn defines depression.

Please, let me go.
because i'm not going to hold on.
Not anymore...
i want to live and die
known to myself and
not by anyone and
even to you....

Shorty reminded me off by her question. “Hiatus ka pa rin?” (still hiatus) and i replied "yes"
below are my review materials.

"if your really want to pass the board exam, you should have started reading your materials yesterday, and not today" - Ma'am CB, Araceli Requinto

HALLOWEEN 

Mom decided to buy flowers at Dang wa, Dimasalang in order to avoid high price of flowers at memorial park. When they arrived, they called me to do the arrangement for 2. And since I am not into “flowers”, I grabbed the encyclopedia to get ideas that might help to do the Ikebana… oh, thanks to the Japanese telenovela Artificial Flower aired in abs-cbn, it was a big help. I made 3 arrangements. not bad for a first timer like me.

my first ikebana

second ikebana

third ikebana

i am in ZERO DEGREE for lust and relationship. multiple orgasm because i like the catch. i had fun doing the Ikebana and i am willing to learn and do more =) 

after the hell week....

Nike

Havs in Serendra

Serendra Bonifacio

IMPECTIONS

by: Chiie Atienza

     We cannot please everybody. It is a fact. No matter how hard we work to make things acceptable with what we do, no matter how humble we are to keep our feet on the ground, and no matter how we ignore the says despite the pain, we always encounter contradicting comments, violent reactions and opinions. It’s a reality we have to face in our everyday lives.

The criticisms and objections are undeniably present and our vast imperfections are the subject to judgment for our knowledge, beliefs, and principles. - chiie

     It is visibly true that not everyone has a smashing confidence, extraordinary talent, brilliant mind, luxurious aura, and a Mother Theresa’s heart to evidently leave a mark of our personality in each person. The criticisms and objections are undeniably present and our vast imperfections are the subject to judgment for our knowledge, beliefs, and principles.

We are what we say, therefore, I am who am.
In silence I think -- therefore I am CHIIE.

     We are raw and half-baked in every way and I believe the most difficult part is to prove ourselves to the world — we may not posses a unique character but we have something to offer, unfortunately, we tend to live by their standards -— a societal standard. As much as we do not want to be compared, though we acknowledge and respect their capabilities, people seized to look differently in each of our own closets but categorized.

     The society has distinctive views which do not mean we consider their judgment to be wrong and bias. We are entitled to our own opinions — respect. In effect, we expect people to respect our ideology and vision of profession. Apparently, some people oppose and criticize us, throw stones at us, not to mention the insult instead of keeping it to themselves, and drastically, pointing fingers to blame to save their ass without thinking in their head. We will not deviate from our own mindset just to satisfy others who are out to put us down. We stand on our own convictions and we are not to be belittled by anyone.

     It’s not how the discrimination pushes you down; it is how you fight back.

napadaan lang.

TODAY | panty.
whew. nakahinga rin ng konte.... feeling ko hindi na masikip ung panty ko after the presentation last week. this week, puro quizzes na since prelim is fast approaching. dagdagan pa ng projects -- ok lang maraming kailangan, wag lang mawawalan ng pera T_T

TODAY | bokey na bulaklak at mahabang tobleron
belated Happy Birthday Maam Cel ^^ -- i gave her gifts in the class and un lang ^^ hihihi i love you maam. sayang d ako nakasama sa condo ni Elaine nung friday... wala kasama pag uwi eh >_<. ayaw ni Nice though game si Tina.

WEEKEND | project and shopping
i gave myself a treat, i bought 2 jeans 2 shirts and undergarments. actually hindi nga treat un eh, hahah. ah ewan! kupas na mga lonta ko. puputok na rin mga damit ko sa katabaan ko. wenks. un un eh. hahah

LAST WEEK | ang presentation
"maganda" yan ang comment ni Sir Norby sa presentation namin... weeeee!!
Good job sa lahat ^^

LAST LAST WEEK | kasalanan ng Cellphone.
For the first time, nakagawa ako ng parang ikamamatay ko na.... TUMUNOG CP KO! sa class ni Sir Norby. Awch!!~ here comes the fire, hindi ako nag admit agad because i want to make sure na saken nga galing un. during break time, i approached him and tell him it was mine.
wah!! Sir.... kung alam nyo lang T___T sorry po.

“Gaano mo kakilala ang iyong sarili?”
How well do you know yourself?

Last week my brother asked me to help him to his assignment about the humanity. The queries totally numbed me for a thought where I, myself been asking to through the years. The question shackled my body to the ground — I couldn’t move. It’s like a big stone that hit me straight unto my head. It’s like a challenge — to escape the twinge that is in me forever, to escape the viscous and torture in my life, to escape the hurt and scars of reality.

"Sumulat ng talata tungkol sa pagkatao mo."
Write about your whole personality

I feel that I do not fit in to people around me; they seem to be perfect. They judge human beings as if they are perfectly fine, as if they have a perfect life where nobody is distrust, dispute and a burden to them. I say I cannot fit in to their standard because I am imperfect, unwise and ugly.

"How do you see yourself?"

This is what I learned to live my life… in false hope and promises. Where everything is a big mistake and lies – from the decisions that I come up to, the things I do, to friends, school, family and even myself. Do their thing and you are nothing. Do nothing and you too is a worthless. Fuck. Reality bites.

Be yourself. Just be yourself. How many people have said this to you? Or have heard this? Do they still accept you for who you are and say nothing? Damn! Seldom have I tried my best -- capable of doing so but still the ruthless judgment is slapping my face. I seem still not befit and belong to them.
When reality is trying to betray my fate, I offered myself a frivolous experience — play the game. Pathetically, A game I can’t win forever. An insignificant gamble of fate and character.

I have tried being in in the world of fantasy – maybe now I can be myself even in a few span of time. It has been... merely seven years now and I cannot imagine how I indulged and embraced the virtual life and turned it to reality. A piteous life where I wished I have never been born at all, no… that’s exaggeration… I mean, I wished I have never given so much attention to. Regret is not the right word to describe the feeling neither agony; perhaps a reflection. A reflection of unwanted perceptions and unfortunate experiences that you may wanted to destroy the memoir that is with you in your entire life. A fast bullet that could kill you in a minute or so. The stab of a knife that saps the wound into your body and slowly will rob your life. Inevitable experiences, unattainable moments, chaos in real life – this is what virtual life has given me…. it made my life more miserable. From the people who made an impact to my life, to friends who ruined me and eventually to the game that I have lost the interest.

"Define your life"

My life is an endless battle, i might win in the end but struggling.

i never expected that Ms Concha, our college evaluator will really require me to shift from Tariff and Customs Administration to Customs Administration and the reason is inevitable but the curriculum also requires me to take NEW SUBJECTS, that unfortunately i took already in my early years of studying. I don't understand why they have to reconsider the OLD and NEW SUBJECT description when in fact i passed the subjects. anyway, am i ranting? i hope not. >_<

MUST DO: deadline June 20, 2008
TARIFF 2: Memorize
Section 101 of the TCCP
Section 105 of the TCCP

TARIFF 6: recitation
SPECIAL DUTIES: Dumping Duty
support answers with CASES.

CUSTOMS 3
Study PPA 13-77 & PD 857

CUSTOMS 4: Memorize
Section 1001-1112

Exaggeration? hahaha hell noh! thats normal for our professors (awch!) and a burden to keep specially if you have a whopping 7am - 8.30PM schedule to die for.

i am still breathing and i am still coping with my headache until now.. i guess i am fine?

ahahaha, i never thought that the photos will turn out to be really funny and cute?
xD i had fun ^^

= the end =

LOL

aw! stolen?

i am sick. sever head pain is to endure and shrug it off if you want to do something better.

INSPIRED.
though i am in pain, i edited and dramatized my sicked photo.

1280 x 960

800 x 600

tour sa baguio,
graduation pic,
case study in customs,
every tuesdays and fridays evaluation exams,
minor in morning, major in evening,
saturday: compilation of materials

i don't and want to think that i don't have much time for myself. i don't want to think na stressed na talaga ako kahit ... yeah... sa tingin ko nga. sabayan pa ng Depression, frustration and humilation :(
nakaka pagod talaga... hindi ko na alam kung ano iisipin ko T__T dagdagan pa ng problema sa ibang subject.

anyway, napadaan lang ako kasi mukhang ewan na tong blog ko. wala ng kalaman laman kahit gusto ko lagyan araw araw.

ingat lage.

Dear Philipp,

you know how much i love you.. you know how much i care, but good things never last forever. time change and so do people. we shared so many things and i learned a lot from it. i'll always treasure the good and bad experience we had.

it is hard to end a relationship that easy.. so hard to that we may wanna think of what we've been through and hold on but we can't no longer continue for some reasons that we seize to understand at times. asking ourselves where did we go wrong.. i never expected this, but the hurt is not tolerable anymore and i can't hold my patience further.

i love you and you know how much i really love you but i love myself too.. and loving you taught me that i should keep a little respect and peace of mind for myself.

i am so sorry for everything, i am really sorry.. God has a better plan for both of us and just be thankful for the blessing that will shower upon us. One year and one month in relationship was never easy to let go and move on.. thank you for everything Philipp... thank you.

i love you ... goodbye.

HAPPPPPY NEWW YEAR !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Goodbye 2007 and Hello 2008 !!