since i am already talking about the post-break up and the like in my previous entry, i want to share some of my LSS (last song syndrome) songs during my emotional moments. haha.. and i tell you, these are my FAVORITE :) everything here is totally RANDOM. i don't know if some of the songs are listed in my playlist but here is my mixpod playlist. 

http://www.mixpod.com/playlist/43557373

What's hurt the most - Rascal Flatts

Gravity - Sarah Bareilles

Between the lines - Sarah Bareilles

Empty frames - Ne-yo

A little Space - Ne-yo

She Won't understand - Typecast (Filipino Rock band)

the fight is over - urbandub (Fil. Rock band)

i thought she knew - Nsync

better not together - Justine Timberlake

Hanggang Ngayon - Kyla

Broken - Seether ft. Amy Lee

Say Goodbye - Chris Brown

its you - Ne-yo

Kiss the rain - Hienie Dao

Kulang na Kulang - Joy and Bevz

What's a man to do - Usher

Separated - Usher

Kismet - Silent Sanctuary

Hiling - Paramita

Listen - Stonefree

She's out of my life - M. Jackson

How do you heal a broken heart? - I forgot the ARTIST.

let me be the one - jimmy bondoc

what do i do - jisun (watch boys over flowers to be related to the song)

Starlight tears - Kim Yoo Kyung (watch boys over flowers to relate yourself)

Broken - Secondhand Serenade

and there are still a lot of good songs out in my repertoire hahaha but those are like not too heavy to cry on =P haha, those are for "so-funny-that-i-could-not-imagine-how-i-cried-much-for-you" attitude :) short for REVENGE and FREE SPIRIT.

:))

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i was closing down my multiply site due to personal reasons and i have found a visitor so i checked his multiply site. it caught me.. amazed i was how he battled against the risk along with his adventure and pondered, "what ifs"... "what if it happened to me", "what if i got jailed", and so on ...


then browsing along, i read: "unanswerable questions" in his previous postings, undeniably linked to it and everything is common. common but when you try to figure out everything, you find yourself, "we share the same feeling", or "we actually have something in common", of course not the "spark" you are thinking aloud right now. hahaha.. and the questions are: 

how do you stop the sadness when the only person who can stop it is the one who started it in the first place?

you might actually agree to this as you read it. for the past 1 year i was STUCK in a relationship where i don't want to stay anymore but the emotions is too attached and you cannot just move on. you want to end because it is not working.. or should i say, it is not worth working for anymore. you keep on fighting for the person you thought really loved you, because that is what he exactly do. make you feel love all the time, give you sweet lies and self-denial is the only option for you to stay. "no, he love me. he is not cheating on me" but you end up realizing YOU are in deep shit. you wanted to get out of the relationship because it is not helping you at all. but.. at the back of your mind, I STILL LOVE him. i really love him. you gave everything and yet, why it happened? 

my answer: the only thing that can stop your sadness is to be loved by someone else. 

admit it or not, thats the reality. we can actually move on if somebody will make us feel we are loved and that there is somebody who appreciates you, accept you for who you are whether you fart aloud, cry during sex, you don't eat seafoods because you're allergic, or you laugh so loud and s/he find him/herself laughing at you just because he/she thinks you're cute, or simply how you eat powdered milk. hahah, yes.. powdered milk and lick the spoon like a kid that nobody cares (i think, thats why he left me.. because i eat milk.. eh?) 


that somebody? i don't know.. rebound is not the option. and taking advantage to the emotions of the lonely person is not probably the best thing to do either. you could just possibly be a friend to that someone because it is pretty obvious if you will be an uptight friend who says "i am always here for you and says negative things towards her/his lover that make her/him sad" i bet, the person you are trying to take advantage of will avoid you in no time. 

how do you stop thinking about a certain person? i mean, the moment you tell yourself you're not going to think about that person you end up thinking about that person in the process of trying not to think of that  person!! too confusing?

and my instinct is telling me that we both agree to this. it happens to me ALL THE TIME when we just broke up and until for quite sometime now. his thoughts, his face, how he smile, you can still see him and it always bubble in your head or when you accidentally look at somebody and the next thing you see is him and you blink your eye for a sec and you realized it wasn't him at all and you started to miss the person so much that you want to text or call him just by saying "i SAW you!" and you know for yourself that you actually just  want to say "I MISS YOU".. fuck. and you are down for a minute again. tears trying to fall but you keep your head looking at the sky or blink 5 times in a second.. 


(this gotta be crazy..i am listening to http://www.blogtv.com/people/ajRAF via steve terada's twit and they are singing "one last cry" ... hahahah) waaaaaahh!! noooooo!! i am not gonna cry!! hahaha.



sometimes, you wish you have a magic candy on your palm and eat it to transform your mood so you can forget the person making you feel sad, lonely, and misery. 



i was in this stage for days.. weeks... but not months because i told myself, now that is over, i want to be beautiful again. far better when we were started. you can do this by telling yourself that you are beautiful and feel it. you gotta come out of your shell. be aware that there are a looot of people who is waiting for you.. see you moving on. and i tell you, if he/she finds out about it, he/she make you feel she/he loveeee you still and please... get over it. make yourself busy. get a life that took away from you when you are still with him/her. make fun, have fun and believe in yourself. no matter how it is, there is always a better person that will come out in you and there is always a better person that deserve you. :) 






CREDIT to: http://thedriftwood.multiply.com/ for the questions i used :)

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HALO-HALO FIESTA: yes..2!~  my mom was craving for a halo-halo and asked me to call CHOWKING for a delivery. and it took me, 20MINS to do it >__<... i have to SEARCH! yes.. SEARCH for a nearest branch because i've read lots of negative feedback about the loooong took for them to eat their ordered food. *sweat* 

LOOOVE IT~ sllurp! 

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HeLLo  "CHiiE.tk" 

after a couple of years of searching...finally... i already have it. i got it!

this is my Gift for myself :) 

now, atleast... i can say i have my own.. :) either way.... hehehe...

i am soooooooooo blessed today  ^^  

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PANTY ON SUGAR: i'm on a break. got tired of computing taxes. no... not literally. i'm computing Philippine Excise taxes. haha. . 

Motor Vehicles, Wines/Liquor, the Petroleum and luxurious importations... 

FOB + insurance (4% of FOB if no insurance indicated) + Freight = Dutiable Value in $. then convert to Peso (DV $ x exchange rate) = Dutiable Value in Peso x Rate of Duty (you will classify your item in a 3 inches thick book) = Customs Duty.  hahaha. . then you have DV Peso + CUD + Misc Exp = Total Landed Cost + Ad Val Tax = Vat Base x 12% = VAT. 

MAS`H POTA`TO (wahah, just kidding): so hows that?...right! anyway... thats my working table right now. kinda messy.. >_<  who cares anyway. 

thank you to all of my sponsors: Violet.. i mean PURPLE (questcrew!!~) and green clear book for my materials. Stabilo boss' green, yellow and pinkorange (whatda??) and blue fineliner. iPhone (weh?haha), Metal Puncher, dad's glass ashtray, Casio FX-880P Personal Computer  -- Calculator (yes! it is.. haha) Index Card (CUE CARD), MAPED sharpener, Pilot super grip retractable ballpen (i swear, you'll love this pen, try it), Pilot signpen, MonAmi Finepoint PENs (permanent), *THIS ISN'T OBVIOUS i have nothing to say. ahahaha. i'm in deep shit.. the last time i check, i've been away in my bed for about 30hours now. and she is haunting me now. . 

kumi's idiot board: trash. (period) 

POSTED MEMO: there's MEXICALI... haha if you love burritos, and tacos, you definitely have to taste theirs... DELIVERY #: (02) 332-4365 *available in Manila,Philippines..(MEXICALI MUST pay me FREE burritos for this) Electric and Internet billing statements.. "FULL SCAN" memo for my virus-immune pc. windows SERIAL"... eh?? (sssshhut up bitch!) my bro's Violation slip.. haha.. and the whatevers. 

MOCK BOARD: we are talking about TARIFF LAWS here. LAWS = COMPUTATION + By Laws + ASEAN HARMONIZED TARIFF NOMENCLATURE(AHTN).. what'??? hahah... it is part of the PHILIPPINE LAW :) its in TAXATION if you are practicing Law. taxation covers CUSTOMS and TARIFF LAWS if you want to be a CUSTOMS BROKER :) yes. INDEED. haha 

30HOURS AWAKES: im soooo zombie now >__< hahaha ... of course, i won't show up O.O  x_X  -_-  X.o .... i need a coffee T_T 

i mean ice cream. lol. 

FUCK SELECTA for this .. really.. THE COOKIES ARE NOT WELL CRUSHED. we were eating the cookies IN HALF of its SIZE. i think my mom had a WHOLE COOKIE in her ice cream. damn.. you can even see it in pic.. my brother should have ordered Double Dutch instead. grrr~ 

YAAADAA~ gooodnight ^^.. (what!??) :)  .. zzzzZZZZ 

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i was not about to be online today but my guilt conscience have won over my instinct. though i promised  myself not to.. i checked my twitter and facebook since those are the only activities i splurge into nowadays aside from youtube tutorials.

since i already came late to say my thank yous to people who greeted me via facebook, i intently spammed tweets and something caught my attention. . a NEW MESSAGE. . hmmm, not another spam invites.. eh??.. hence, it was not. it says:

i was wondering, who is this person. i know i know i have a lot of issues hahaha, but this..? is this person is my former lover? weww... ahhaha, anyway, a lover, a bestfriend?, my mentor?, a friend? or a perfect stranger. .i was thinking of "QUEST CREW" hahaha,.

really, the message is hunting my stupid brain until now. i mean, with these words....??

don't worry you won't hear from me anymore not unless destiny permits.... i care for you too much... i don't wanna cause you any trouble from now on... just want you to be happy..

man, i am telling you, i have NOOOO IDEA AT ALL. hahaha. . somebody cares for me huh i thought nobody does except my family. wooooo. . CREEPPYY~  CHEESSY~ hahaha,

waaaaaaa i NEED COFFEE! haha. . but whoever you are,
dude, thank you sooo much :) i really appreciate it. . soo much...

------------
moving on......damn, march 11, 2010, was dope. i bought CORN BITS SUPREME. *i'll post the pictures later on.. . my NEW OBSESSION :P haha . .

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since its my birthday, i made this today :D nothing special though, just want to do something out of my stupid idle mind haha. .

update: i am making my pilot movie, this time i am going to upload it. i already made movies before but  wasn't able to upload them because it was just for fun back in 2006 and 2007.

hoping to polish this today :) walllah~

laters~ ^^

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i love dancing since i was like 8 years old.  unfortunately, i didn't indulge myself to passion because i am not that good enough. ok, i'm chubby and when you dance your body goes bounce. and for a girl to bounce when dance is not so much cute to look up. haha. . so for that, i just stayed out of the picture and watch other people dance gracefully. plus, chubby people gave the impression it doesn't please the eye to see them move in the dance floor.

L-R: Victor Kim, Brian Hirano, Dominic Sandoval, Ryan Conferido, Steve Terada, Ryan Feng, Hok Konishi





while i was browsing in youtube, i saw this FEATURED VIDEO entitled, "BEST  DANCE CREW".

and..caught myself Laughing out loud but at the same time. i don't know Ryan Higa and didn't know about the America's best Dance Crew then. 

So this video honestly blew my eyes to see a GOOD LOOKING ASIAN guy break dance well.

the moment i saw him, i got hooked up. i found myself on a haunt. upon my research, i found out that this handsome guy is on a group called QUEST CREW. a group of ASIAN DANCERS. yes, ASIAN people mixed with different ethnicity. and to my surprised, majority of them are FILIPINOS. they are the SEASON 3 AMERICA's BEST DANCE CREW CHAMPIONS. just like the JABBAWOKEEZ, which happens to be mixed also with Filipino Decents won ABDC Season 1. Mom literally seeing me watch their videos and asks me what is wrong with you!? because i've been screaming and laughing my ass out whenever i watch QUEST CREW Videos. one of my favorites are STEVE TERADA and VICTOR KIM (Korean). you'll simply fallen in love with their personalities if you will watch some of their videos. No, not their performances but their fun-fun and booboos. Dominic aka D-TRIX Sandoval  (68% filipino) and RYAN CONFERIDO (also my favorite), ARIS PARACUELLES are full blooded Filipinos.

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tagal ko naging haitus.. . wew. . . . 

i miss writing. i miss blogging. i miss everything about pen and papers.. . literally. 

i was depressed. a little off to my key. i hoped and expected a lot. 

anyway. WELCOME TO MYSELF ^^, 

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later this month, while walking towards the waiting shed in manila, i saw a middle aged man jumped over the barricade in Manila City Hall, under the Street Light. Accidentally, his foot touched the barri and he fell off the ground. i heard a *DUG* sound. he was like a plant sudden died due to direct sun heat. the man wasn't moving anymore, his companion keep on asking and shaking him, making sure if he is ok but to no response. a man carried him aside and laid him on the floor. he was still unconscious. the lady raised his hand but it just dropped. i think, he is dead.

a lot of times, i have wished being in that situation -- dead.
i already came to a point in just a blink of an eye, im done. im over. suicidal, accidents, sickness and even dying.

i can still remember, how my blood scattered on the monoblock table, on the floor, and the dripping bloody wet jacket over my head. yes, my blood. i got hit in the head of a monoblock chair by a fucking guy. as the blood flows down of my body, i was getting sleepy, but i hear voices, i hear chaos at that moment. i hear someone was telling me to keep awake. i saw my fingers turning violet simultaneously. i prayed that moment, "Lord, if this is my time, take me. But if not, this is your will". still, im alive.�


i wish, i just died that moment like the man who fell of the ground, than see myself bathing in my own blood. i look so pathetic that nobody from my friends and my *that time boyfriend was helping me out. nobody but a stranger who in fact can just stare at me and pass away.

i'd rather die than dying. i hate sufferings. why would you let someone suffer when you can even stop the pain and let go. . people go, people die. people come and go. its just a matter of time.

like love, i would let go of someone who hurts me constantly, than stay and pretend i am happy. think that everything is ok, pretend to people we are ok but we are broken.

like desparete cases of illness, i will accept the fact it is my time to go, than feed myself of medicines. apparatus to help me moving, or an oxygen to breathe but the pain doesn't go. it just leave for awhile to give me comfort, but it always come back whenever it likes to.�

like homeless people. . they sleep to satisfy their need. they look fine, but their body is laying in a freezing cold but they don't care. what is essential for them is to get rest, and no options but to sleep.�

just like me, i am alive, but i am empty.. -- WOOOT? emo? haha phew!~
sometimes, what we wish for never happens, no matter how hard we pray. no matter how close are we to God. it is He who still decides. even to those people who have nothing but prayers and faith, if He thinks it is their time. . it will happen.�
merry christmas everyone.�

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I am fond of horror and suspense thriller movies. I remember i had to roll down the  curtains in our living room while the Pioneer component sets in Dolby sound to watch movies. Theres no DVDs that time yet. I used to rent Laser Disc in video stores. Laser Disc are rare, a little pricey and hard to find the latest movies in that format, and what is always comes in handy was the Compact disc. 

Watching horror films grew in me and in our generation. Documented scary movies was then the scariest. It seems real to us, never mind the story because we didn't followed the it well. When we watched the blair witch project back in 1999, me and my friends couldn't sleep at all for almost 1 week. I even stayed in my mom's room to feel safe. hahaha. 

Another movie that scared my ass quite is the Paranormal Activity. 

This film has two sides of ending but what was shown in cinemas is the Spielberg's remake ending. it brought so goosebumps to me. Even though i am mature already, it made hard for me dozing off to sleep for about 3 days because i kept thinking what happened to guy.

If you haven't seen this two documentary scary movies yet, you are already missing 1/4 of your cinematographic life. Not to mention buying DVDs or way better, Blu-rays. These are also your investment of keeping and sorting some of the best films in hollywood.

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Normally, girls dump boys. After years of courtship and constant dating, it is vested to know and foreseen scenes of breaking up. Reason would vary from third party to i-just-don't-feel-the-chemistry-anymore excuses. But when obsession speaks and jealousy is present all the time, it is taking through the nerves of men.

Nobody wants to be dumped. Nobody wants to dump a lover either. But when reality speaks, it is really hard to conquer the heartache and bitterness. I guess, we should at least understand why.

He feels suffocated. 

learn how to read his mind. even though you "seem to know everything" about your guy, be sensitive and learn to read his mind. sometimes men need time for themselves alone. let them feel their freedom and you are not exaggerating your tender love and care for him.

He thinks you're too demanding.  

you think because you are his woman you can rule his life for him. Come on ladies, we should not let them rule, and eat you. Give him a little space and make him you care for his happiness too.

He thinks you're too jealous. 

less jealous

He's not really for a relationship yet. 

enjoy it while it last, then move on

He still want to keep his option open. 

he's not yet ready to be that committed

He doesn't feel the chemistry anymore. 

there's no other thing for you to do but to let go.

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Recently, i've been into blog reading again. Reading informative blogs to replenish my knowledge and gain more insights about technology, internet, graphics and gadgets. As expected, i just read. But little did i know, i am beginning to thought, like them, what i could share.

I thought about that long time ago, but i have no one who reads my blog that are in "technology firms", or must i say, there is no fun to read my blog. I wanted to share things i know but i'm hesitant to do it here.

A tech blog owner interviewed me a couple of days ago because of my initiative to co-author his blog. He was frank to tell me he was having second thoughts whether to accept me or not because he saw this blog. he wasn't sure of what i can share to his readers. hahaha, i left blanc there. but i told him this is only my personal blog and i write nothing but my emotions and stuff like that. I literally showed off my little tech side, my experiences and not so expertise. Result? i got the job!.

Then I came on a second thought, will i be leaving my blog off key and empty from informations i will be sharing to blogs i will be co-writing in the near future. What i can share to my visitors and unplugg the mysteries of my talent (wahahaha, booo!). Maybe, i could just rewrite it here and give credit. huh? credit? credit myself? hahaha :D

I have a lot of things to write in my blog but i don't know how, when, where to start or should i not.
Will i consider myself?

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Ladies, We don't care if you're friends with other guys.
But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off.
It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.
We don't care if a guy calls OR TEXTS you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned.
Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait
till the morning.
Also, when we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/ gorgeous/
cute/ stunning,
we freaking mean it.
Don't tell us we're wrong.
We'll stop trying to convince you.
The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.
Yeah, you can quote me.
Don't be mad when we hold the door open.
Take Advantage of the mood im in.
Let us pay for you!
Don’t "feel bad"
We enjoy doing it.
It's expected.
Smile and say "thank you."
Kiss us when no one's watching.
If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed.
You don't have to get dressed up for us.
If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.
We like you for who you are and not what you are.
honestly, I think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's. or my shirt and boxers, not all dolled up
Don't take everything we say seriously.
Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.
Don't get angry easily.
Stop using magazines/media as your bible.
"Don't talk about how hott Chris Brown, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us".
It's boring, and we don't care. You have friends for that.
Whatever happened to the word "handsome"/"beautiful"?
I’d be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with "Hey handsome!" instead of "Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy" or whatever else you can think of.
on the other hand I’m not saying I wouldn't like it ether
Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren't being treated right by a guy, dont wait for him to change. ditch his sorry ****, he's a disgrace to the male population and find someone who will treat you with utter respect
Someone who will honor your morals.
Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest.
Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes.
Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.
Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes....and say "i love you" ..
and actually mean it.
Give the nice guys a chance
Guys repost this if you agree
Girls repost this if you think it's cute
Every Guy who isn't a jerk will agree with this, so we hope that all the girls that read this will repost this

*Holding Hands
Girls :If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a couple of
times.
Guys : Grab it if it happens more than once.

*Cuddling
Girls : When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you're cold
Guys : Automatically move closer to her.

*Movies
Girls : During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder
Guys : Lift her chin up and kiss her.

*Loving each other
Guys : When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her
too... And mean it.

*Laying below the stars
Girls : When you're both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat
Guys : Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers.
By 12 am tonight your one true love will realize how much they want you.







----------
credit to: `moon

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